Tuesday, May 1, 2012


What in the hell is this? Dinner with the Bowyers is the (genius) invention of Lindsay and Sara. It's our effort to share the normal exchanges and conversations our family has. You're welcome.

(LINDSAY) We live with our parents. Now that conjures up an image of a small, functional, nuclear family. There are seven of us, all adults. Upon trying to think of a way to describe this living situation in a concise way...we came up with nothing. So...yeah - screw you if you were hoping for something articulate.

(SARA) Now, we didn’t always all live together. In fact, for the majority of the past four years it’s just been Mom, Dad, Grandma (who has her own mother-in-law apartment above the garage), and our old dog, Mika. But I learned that the first thing you get to do as an adult with a Bachelor’s degree is move back in with your folks. Lindsay and Jesse, on the other hand, learned that living abroad in Argentina for the better part of a year leaves you broke. Moving-back-in-with-the-parents broke. So, all seven of us are now sharing one little house.

(LINDSAY)Just to further clarify: teaching English in Argentina for a year leaves you living-in-your-Grandma's-downstairs-computer-room-and-using-her-ancient-sleeper-sofa-as-a-primary-bed-broke. Also, pretty much all the food consumed in the house is being purchased with our foodstamps, you know, cause we're broke and we have to contribute to the household somehow. Basically we all live together out of necessity and...love, I guess? With all of us together on a daily basis, many of our conversations and exchanges are fairly hilarious - as if the situation itself wasn't slightly hilarious already.

(SARA) We’ve also forgotten what words like “personal space” and “quietness” mean. Now, I think it’s safe to assume that everyone reading has had some sort of acquaintance with one or more of our family members, but here’s a rough guide to our personalities in case you find yourself stricken with a sudden acute case of dementia:

Grandma: Still trucking on, despite her age (90...she thinks). Can't stand people her own age. Enjoys lying about having Alzheimer’s and referring to Alfred Hitchcock as cuddly.
Brock: A man who should have had sons, but ended up with daughters and didn't change his parental gameplan. Enjoys mispronouncing people’s names on purpose. Loves to ask Sara if she is a lesbian. Suffers from ADHD.
Kathy: Five feet and two inches of East Coast mannerisms and wine. Manages to fuck up common sayings/names/words despite English being her first language. Enjoys intimidating the meek.
Sara: The youngest in age yet the oldest at heart; Liz Lemon is her spirit guide. Her hatred of people compliments her social awkwardness. Enjoys drinking beer in bed while watching Netflix.
Lindsay: Snorts unapologetically when laughing. Enjoys making victorious train sounds, snide remarks/ being generally sassy, and watching Ghost Adventures.
Jesse: The only one not blood related. Spends his nights asking why God is punishing him with such obnoxious in-laws. Enjoys playing Gloria Gaynor songs on guitar and singing shamelessly in the shower.
Tucker: Homosexual. Enjoys licking pants. 

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