Dad: So _______ used to have a perfect JLo ass and now it's the size of an axe handle. (We PROMISE it's not anyone you know or who would read this. )
Sara: What does that have to do with anything?
Dad: Well it's true.
Lindsay: Dad's an ass man, Sara. It's what he looks at.
Dad: See? Lindsay gets me.
Lindsay: Jesse's an ass man, too. If I leave him alone with a camera and stop paying attention there will be half a dozen shots of my ass on there that I'll find later when I go through the pictures.
Jesse: Well, I can't help myself! It's there, and the camera's in my hand!
Sara: I think we may have another blog post.
Dad: DON'T include me in this!
Sara: Why? You started it!
Dad: I did no such thing.
Sara: You started talking about how you find ______ less attractive because her ass doesn't look like JLo's anymore.
Dad: I forgot about that.
The next day, Mom was walking around the house, saying things like, "are you using MY stove? Are you eating MY anchovies? Are you drinking MY wine?" She also likes to troll people when she's in a mood like this.
Mom: Lindsay, your butt's getting big.
Lindsay: If you mean it's getting more awesome because I can squat for days, than thank you.
Mom: I'm just kidding. It doesn't look any different. I just wanted to see what you'd say.
Lindsay: Feel my butt! It's like a rock! Feel it!
Mom: <Pokes her butt> Yah, that's ok. Feel mine.
Lindsay: <Pokes Mom's butt> Ok, that's pretty hard.
Mom: I know.
Sara: Feel mine!
Mom: <Lindsay and Mom poke Sara's butt> Not as hard as mine.
Last night we went out to a fancy bistro for Mom's birthday dinner. At some point during the night, Mr. T was mentioned.
Dad: Mr. T. You know, the black guy from the 80's with all the gold chains. "I pitty da fool!"
Mom: Oh yeah, the guy who's on Law & Order: SVU.
Lindsay: <laughs> Mom, that's Ice T, the rapper, not Mr. T.