Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Emails From Sara While She Is "Working"

This is what our mother had to say about our most recent blog post:

Sara: Have you seen the new blog post?
Mom: There’s another one?
Sara: Yeah, it’s about you.
Mom: Oh fuck.

On any given workday, I usually receive at minimum, 4 emails from Sara. They are usually links to stuff she found on the internet or she's telling me about the latest drama in her social/love life. I think she gets more out of me in email exchanges because I hate talking on the phone and I am usually too distracted busy with the internet/watching Big Bang Theory something important to listen to what she's telling me at home.

A conversation we had on a Thursday:

Sara: Is it wrong that I want to start this weekend right now? I just want to start drinking. I think I’m going to buy some Bailey’s so I can drink in the morning discreetly.

Lindsay: Yah, but then everyone will be onto you because you'll be in a good mood.

Sara: True.

A conversation about dinner. Keeping my dad, Jesse, and Sara fed has become my responsibility while my mom drinks wine and plays JewelQuest on the damn computer with Fox News turned up loud enough to make your ears bleed.

Sara: Oh, and what are you making for dinner tonight? Something delicious?

Lindsay: I have no idea! Of course it's going to be delicious because I'm cooking. Duh. 

Sara: Excellent. Also, grapes suck. Without alcohol, they’re pretty much useless. 

This is an email exchange my mom and Sara had:
Sara: Also this. Looks like we’re right up there with Iran on this one.

Mom: Really?  You are saying that because Afghanistan and even Brazil because they signed and ratified the document have better human rights than the US?

Sara: I actually did not say that. You did. I said that we were on the same page as Iran on signing a bill of rights specifically for women. 

Mom: But it is not the same.  Iran refused to sign because they suck.  We signed, but refused to ratify because the bill of rights is completely meaningless and useless.

Sara: Hahaha…”because they suck.” Touche mother. Touche. I am so bored. So unbelievably bored. So here’s a very telling picture of Clinton and Obama. It reminds me of me and Lindsay. Guess which one I am?

Mom: You are soooo Obama.  That was just too easy.

Sara: What? No. I’m totally Clinton. Come on, who’s the one who always says inappropriate things at the wrong time?

Mom: You would never look as stupid as Clinton in that picture and you are so Obama looking disgusted.  

Sara: Okay. Sure. I’d never look stupid in a picture. Ever. 
 image004.jpg image007.jpg  image005.jpg image009.jpg 

These are the emails she sent me today. I did not edit the times I received them. I also did not respond to them.

Do you want to see a picture of me?

Do you like it? It’s one of my favorites. I think the light really brings out the color of my eyes.
I’m more bored than the mine shaft those Chilean miners got stuck down.
I’m so bored, it’s aBOREant.
Okay. That’s all I’ve got.
Although I am so hungry that I could eat an entire BORE 

I’m the lord of Boredington. They call me Lord Boredom.

2:03pm (I'm not making the time up)
I am told that my subjects were very happy. So much so, you could say they aBOREd me.

The kingdom lay just across the river. They had to bored it.

I carried in a sheath at my side a long, shining bored.

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