Tuesday, August 21, 2012

"No Stabbing Anyone Until After I Have My Guests Over"

Lindsay and Sara can sometimes get a little…violent. We are sisters, after all. And as such, we couldn't have gotten through childhood without a few attempts at sibling homicide. Like the time Lindsay rolled the car window up on Sara’s neck.* Or when she chased Sara into oncoming traffic.** Or when she choked a 3-year-old Sara.***

…The murder attempts appear to be pretty one-sided, don’t they?

Well I (Sara) subconsciously decided it was time for some good old fashioned revenge last night. I was chopping cucumbers for a salad while Lindsay was sautéing, when Lindsay attempted to poke me in the side, as she is wont to do. I swung out to block her, completely forgetting that I had a six inch knife in my fist.

It’s worth noting that had this gone differently, we probably wouldn’t be laughing about it or posting it in the blog.  Well…we might wait a bit longer to post it at least. You know, after we confirmed Lindsay was going to live and her stab wound healed.

<Edit by Lindsay> Thank god for Sara's lack of motor coordination, otherwise you would be stuck with her memories of our childhood. 
<Edit by Sara> For the last time, I wasn't ACTUALLY trying to stab you. In this case, my awesome motor skills saved your life, you paranoid, nitpicky old bat! Maybe you shouldn't harass me while I'm wielding cutlery?>

Lindsay: You almost just stabbed me! Like, legitimately!
Sara: Fuck! That was close!
Lindsay: Mom, did you see Sara almost FUCKING stab me?
Mom: What?
Jesse: Dude, that was actually kind of scary.
Mom: You can’t stab her today. Wait until tomorrow.
Sara: Why?
Mom: I’m having work friends over tomorrow afternoon. No stabbing anyone until after I have my guests over.
Lindsay: MOM!
Mom: What?
Lindsay: You care more about your work party than whether or not I get stabbed?!


Lindsay: MOM!
Mom: What? I’m doing my puzzle, leave me alone.

<Edits by Lindsay>
* The car window had already been rolled up. The car was turned off so Sara couldn't roll the window down to yell at us some asinine piece of trivia that popped into her head (She was like a cross between a 6 year old Hermione Granger and Sheldon Cooper). So she squeezed her head out the small crack in the window and got stuck. I just happened to be standing there.
 ** Sara was, like, 3 years old and ran into the street in our neighborhood in front of a car. Luckily I was there to yell for Mom (which would have been totally useless if the driver hadn't seen Sara anyways).
*** Do not remember this. Although one time I pushed Sara because she was annoying me like all little sisters do, and she fell and bit through her tongue. I was in big trouble for that one.

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