Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I Can't Believe You Threw This Away!

Our father is obsessed with not wasting anything. For a conservative who has serious trouble understanding liberals, he sure knows how to live like one. He makes us save aluminum foil after we've used it because he thinks it's expensive. He'll feed anything to Tucker that's leftover from meals...even if it's stuff that isn't good for him (french toast, spicy foods, cooked bones, sweets, tomato sauce, onions, popcorn kernels, etc), because he doesn't want anything to go to waste. He keeps stale bread in the bread drawers to give to the birds, but forgets about it so eventually we have a drawer full of stale and/or moldy bread. He's that guy at the gas pump who awkwardly tries to get every last drop of gasoline out of the tube by holding it up high when the gas has finished pumping. He will try to recycle everything, even styrofoam. He insisted we try to donate all the old soccer trophies with very specific writing on them (example: 1st place, girls U12, Lake Stevens Soccer Bash, 1999) because "someone will want them." He wants to keep the old baking trays after we bought new ones. He drives with the air conditioning off and the windows down because he thinks it's better for fuel economy*. He'll turn off the lights even if you're in the room and using them so as not to waste electricity. If he ever has leftovers from lunch he always randomly leaves them on someone's desk like some kind of leftover fairy because he thinks they'll be hungry later and someone is actually going to eat mystery leftovers.

Another example below

Dad: You threw popcorn with truffle oil in the garbage? That stuff is SO good, and expensive.

Lindsay: Dad, are you eating popcorn out of the garbage?

Dad: Yeah. I can't believe you threw this away!

Mom: Brock stop eating out of the fucking garbage. I'll make more if you're that hungry.

Dad: <finally closes the cabinet and looks around> We have grapes?!

Did we also mention that he suffers from ADHD?

Wait...sorry. I got that mixed up.

We suffer from his ADHD.

* It's not

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