Monday, September 17, 2012

Nutrition and Prostitution: A Lesson.

Pretty much everybody knows that the Bowyer women are winos. One of Dad's nicknames for my Mom is Rhine-have-a-glass-full. I don't know what the significance of "Rhine" is. Jesse calls me the winocerous. And Sara doesn't have a cute wino nickname because she never buys communal wine and always pinches the wine my Mom and I buy.

<Sara: False. I do not have a wino name because I am NOT a wino. Wine sucks. I only drink it because it's a more paleo alternative to beer and I'm too much of a lazy bastard to go buy more alcohol when it's already available. Once again, we have to wonder whether or not I was switched at the hospital. However, I do have a drinking nickname. It's Jack Daniels...which brings a lot of questions to mind that we don't have the time nor patience to answer here.>

Anyways, Mom and I were discussing how unfulfilling just one glass of wine is.We were talking about her being the designated driver at an upcoming wedding and I told her to come to the reception and have a glass of wine.

Mom: That's not fulfilling. One glass of wine is so disappointing. It's just empty calories. 
Lindsay: And drinking a bottle of wine isn't empty calories?
Mom: No! Because you at least get a buzz out of it, so it's not useless! The calories are worth it!
Lindsay: Oh, that makes sense.

Apparently, our mother also thinks that you will only get a "buzz" from drinking an entire bottle of wine. this is why we buy the double bottles from the bottom shelf. You know what we're talking about.

 Later, some stupid HGTV show was on about realtors in Beverly Hills or somewhere similar with ridiculously rich clientele/homes. Predictably, most of the "realtors" are blonde, barbie-doll, Beverly Hills-type women who may be good businesswomen (doubtful), but are probably better at just being on a reality TV show. . 

Dad: I wonder if any of these girls [realtors] get their legs up in the air for these potential buyers...
Sara: Wow, Dad. Gross.
Dad: What's gross about that?
Sara: Everything!
Dad: So, you wouldn't, if you had the chance to make $250,000 in commission? They're selling multi-million dollar homes!
Lindsay: Dad, that's basically prostitution.
Dad: Dude, $250,000 in one lump sum. You wouldn't?
Sara: It's not "basically" prostitution. It's just prostitution. You throwing in sex for a male buyer to make a sale so you can get the commission cash. It's not suddenly a respectable transaction when it's in the thousands of dollars. 
Dad: Well I learned something, then.
There you go, kids. A lesson in nutrition and how to be a realtor/prostitute tycoon. 

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